Thursday, 19 September 2013

Before uni thoughts..

So I'm sitting in bed, it's 25 to midnight, and I'm watching Friends (surprise, surprise). It's six days till I leave for Uni, and I thought this was the best time to tell you all about my feelings for Uni. This is blog was created mainly as a diary, and when I look back at my time at Uni, I want this to be where I start. At the beginning, with my real thoughts. 

At the moment, when people ask me, "Are you excited for uni?" I smile, nod my head, and say, "Yeah, I'm really excited." This isn't entirely true. 

Whilst I am very excited for this new chapter in my life, I am also feeling a lot of other emotions mixed in there. I'm feeling nervous, scared, lonely, sadness, anticipation, curiosity and hope. Let me elaborate. 

Nervous: Self explanatory. It's a big change and I'm going to be sharing a bedroom with someone I don't yet know. Eeek!

Scared: I'm studying Theology and Performing Arts. And whilst I've done, and enjoy performing arts, I've never done anything theology-wise before. What if I don't understand stuff that everyone else does? What if they all know a lot more than me before we start? Whilst I love reading the stories in the bible, and finding more and more about God, doing it in an formal education setting scares me.

Lonely: This is something I'm doing all on my own. Mum's going to take me next Monday, then she's going to leave me there. Then it's all down to me. For someone who comes from a big family, I hate silence. I hate being on my own. This will be a test for sure.

Sadness: I'm extremely close to my Mum and brothers. I'm going to miss them so much, and this is kind of the start of me being a proper grown up, not just by age, and I'm not going to live with them any more. 

Anticipation: As well as being a bit of a Debbie Downer on this situation, I'm also very much looking for ward to it. I know this experience is going to be a good one in the long run. Maybe not for the first bit, but definitely in the long run.

Curiosity: I'm going to meet so many new people, and I'm going to learn so much about myself as a person. I'm excited for that part of it.

Hope: I know this is going to be good, and I'm going to look back on my Uni times when I'm 60, and go, "Yeah, those three years were the best!" I'm living in that hope.

But mostly, when it all comes down to it, I think I'm just worrying about stepping into the unknown. I don't have a clue what to expect, and it's going to be so different. I know, though that God's going to be guiding me through this, and it's going to be a test.


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