Friday, 30 January 2015

I failed my paper.

Today is a happy day. I know by the title, you will be like "eh?!" and "but you failed" and "you're not very clever are ya?!"

But it is. It is a happy day, and I will tell you why...

It is a day where I have learnt I have grown. Last year, every time I got a grade I would feel so crappy. I would cry, and I would be ashamed and I would not tell anyone it, except my boyfriend when he persisted. All those questions above would go through my head. I would think I was stupid. I would think I was a loser. I would be ashamed. I would be angry at myself.

But today isn't one of those days. It is a day where I have learnt that my identity isn't in the grades I get, or how I clever I am perceived to be, it's in Jesus. Jesus is all I need, and if I fail all my papers, but I know I did my hardest, then that will be ok. It will be enough. 
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
I will delight in my weakness, because it means that I don't have to get it right all the time. I'm human. It doesn't mean I'm stupid, it just means I get stuff wrong. It doesn't mean I'm worthless, it just means I get stuff wrong. It doesn't mean I'm a failure, it just means I get stuff wrong. I will boast in Jesus, not in my abilities.

Remember this.


Sunday, 25 January 2015

Ah, life.

Dear diary, 

I've been clinging to God this past week. It has literally been the worst. You know the ones where you have migraines and your friends cry and you forget all your lines at the tech run the day before the show, and there's lots of arguments, and the pretty fairy lights at the top of your bed break, and everyone's fed up, and boys are being douche's (not mine! He's perf ;) and everybody is so short tempered with each other and there's super duper spicy curry for dinner? Yeah I had one of those weeks.

Literally these all happened in my week.. I think it has something to do with a 45 minute devised show + a 2,000 word paper + a ten minute play + a presentation + a play to go with that presentation + the end of a semester ÷ two weeks. It's always going to = crappy attitudes, stress and crappy curry for dinner.

I usually like curry as well. This one had way to much spicy stuff and lentils in it. Ah well. There's always next week.

Happy half way through 2nd year.

RIP beautiful lights ;)

Thursday, 22 January 2015

God is good, ALL of the time.

I found this following post on one of my old blogs (there has been at least 6! So indecisive haha!) and thought it was so relevant for me in my life now.  

God is good, ALL of the time.

They said that in everything that happens, God is good. If we can't praise God in the valley, then we won't be able to praise him on the hill. He is good all the time, and he always will be good, all of the time.

We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. They are the people he called, because that was his plan.-Romans 8:28
The Lord is good. His love is forever, and his loyalty goes on and on.-Psalm 100:5

You meant to hurt me, but God turned your evil into good to save the lives of many people, which is being done.-Genesis 50:20 

So what should we say about this? If God is for us, no one can defeat us.-Romans 8:31

God is good, ALL of the time.

Monday, 19 January 2015

One week.

Dear diary,  

I'm writing this whilst waiting for a train, because this has literally been the only time I've had to just sit and be.  These last few weeks have been hectic to say the least. Although, I am doing a joint honours degree, so I shouldn't really expect nothing less. I knew it was never going to be easy, but that in itself doesn't really make it any easier, does it?

One week.

One week till I'm free again...

Well one more week until second semester starts!


Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Procrastinationing All Day, son


Dear diary,

I have spent all of today on Buzzfeed, looking at Disney prince's butts, and movie gifs that make me want to just stop and stare. I linked them, if you wanna check them out. You're welcome.

I also bought a new phone case for £2.99. It's pink and sparkly, did you expect anything different?! Nope? Me neither, I have no idea why I spent 20 minutes looking at other ones.

The top picture, in case you're interested, is what I'd look like with a scary ginger fringe.

Ok, back to work now...


Sunday, 11 January 2015

Late Night Ideas Are the Worst Ideas

You have to start with a picture, right?! Even if it a half faced-grainy-selfie. This was probably a late night idea...

Instead of learning lines for this Thursday, I am going to tell you about my silly night time brain. The brain that makes AMAZING ideas at night, that are actually crap when looked at with the next morning brain.

Once, at night time, I realised my 4 brothers and I are an 'egg sandwich'. The youngest and oldest are 'bread', myself (2nd oldest) and the 2nd youngest brothers are 'butter', and the middle child, Elliot, who's nickname was 'Eggs' because 'Elliot' turned into 'SmellyButt' turned into 'EggyButt' turned into 'Eggs'. Therefore an egg sandwich. You with me?

stupid idea
At the time, I thought this was such a good idea that I documented it in the notes in my phone. Late night ideas are the worst ideas.

A few weeks ago, I decided that this blog wasn't what I thought it was merging into. It had started as a diary, I was keeping it as a diary, but I thought, that night, "oh no, it can't be a diary, unless it's called a diary!". I then got out of bed and stayed up till 4am changing my blog and everything that goes with it to 'thediaryoflavinia'. It was essentially the same thing with a different name.

When I woke, I immediately regretted it, but I had spent so much time changing it, I had announced it to my top reader (alright Jon!), and so there was no going back.

Until I changed it back two days ago.

Welcome back, Jottings of Love, I've missed ya.


Tuesday, 6 January 2015

My New Year/Christmas

 Dear diary,

I am super tired, but happy. I know I haven't checked in properly, only to tell of my new year's resolutions, but since we last chatted properly: Christmas has happened. I always feel Christmas day is a bit of a let down, there is such a pressure for it to be such a special day and we forget that we're all human and humans annoy other humans and we get things wrong. But because it's Christmas it's so much worse, right? I'm in no way complaining about it though. I feel like it's a time to look past all that and just go with the flow cherishing each moment anyway, and then laughing at it later. This Christmas day was no different. There was lots of arguments, so much so that we didn't end up having Christmas dinner till 8, haha! 

But there was lots of laughter. We played trivial pursuit, ate way too much and drank too much (the drinking was primarily me, with me old friends mulled wine and baileys). The day was messy, but it was family.

Boxing day we visited my big brother and his wife,  and stayed at theirs for a few days. It was so good to spend time with all my brothers in the same place again. We made chocolate cake and pizzas and bread from scratch. I'm kinda starting to see a theme of food in this post. Beauuuutiful.


 Leaving theirs, we spent the day at nan's nursing home with grandad where she sang Spanish songs, talked about her horse (she has never had a horse) and kept mentioning that grandad now has white hair (he has for the last 20 years!).

Jon then came to visit for a few days, then we went back to uni for new years eve, which was spent with friends, eating good food, drinking good drink, playing good games (cheat and spoons, when we do it, we do it good). Bringing in the new year with good friends is the best! 

I'm excited for what this year will bring. Hopefully lots of laughter and fun!


Thursday, 1 January 2015

Happy New Year!

Dear diary,

Happy new yeaaaaaar! Wooooo!

Now, I know I haven't told you about my Christmas/new year yet, but that will come in time, my dear friend, patience please.  

First things first, I would like to chat to you about my new years resolutions.  I have three. 

Cut out the sugar.
When I eat anything with refined sugar in it, I just feel so crap after. I have no idea why, but I decided that as it wasn't needed for my daily diet because I can get natural sugars from fruit and juice, I decided that if I made a rule to cut it out full stop, it would stop me from going,  "oh alright one biscuit won't hurt" and then regretting it badly 45 minutes later!

Finish reading the whole bible.
I started a reading plan in September to read the bible historically by each book on my youversion app. At the moment I'm in Exodus, and I should finish by November this year. I've never read the whole thing through, so I'm super excited to learn more about God through it.

Be who I am.
Something I've always struggled with is comparing myself to people, but this year in particular I've specifically struggled with thinking I should be a certain way. I've felt like I should read more books, or know more film references that aren't chickflicks. I've felt like I should know more long words, or be more creative. I've felt like I should stay up late because everybody else has, or eat crap because that's what they're doing.

I'm not a bookworm, that's ok. I like reading sometimes but I'd much prefer to watch a film, and a chickflick at that. Why should I put myself through a film that I find boring just because I feel like I should venture out into other genres?! I probably should know more long words, but it's ok to not know the meaning of some words. It's ok to feel like I need 8 hours of sleep a night minimum to function properly the next day. Yes, I should want to better myself, but not if it's at the expense of changing the foundation of the person I was supposed to be. I was created to be me, and I am who I am. This year I am going to try to be more satisfied in that.

Lav xx