Monday, 17 July 2017

Why I Started Blogging

I originally started this blog because I wanted it to be a diary. Just a fun little diary where I could remember the little things in my life. That's what I said, and that's what I told myself it was for.

But it goes a little deeper than that.

Last year, in her early nineties, my Nan passed away. She had suffered with vascular dementia for the last ten years of her life but it had only been diagnosed for the last 4 years. She was a funny lady, who loved life and would constantly sing. She never took anything seriously and she would sometimes get into fits of laughter and no one could understand what she was saying - or so I hear.

The thing is that all I can remember of her was when she was ill. All I can remember of her was when she would ask me the same question over and over again. All I can cling on to is when sometimes the dementia would subside for 5 minutes and she would say something profound. Or she would make a joke like she used to.

But that would only last or 5 minutes, and then her illness would take over again.

But that was her. That was how I knew her.

When she died last year, I didn't mourn her. It sounds weird, but I didn't mourn the loss of her. I know she was confused all the time and trapped in her illness, and so in a way, I'm happy she's no longer suffering.

But I did mourn that I never knew her really. Not the way she really was.

The day after she passed away, my Granddad got out a letter that she had written to him when they were just dating. It just talked of how she missed the bus, and how she was planning on going to the post office the next day, but I cried and cried and cried knowing that she wrote this letter because it was a piece of normality. It was her but before I had ever known her.

And to me, it was so special.

And in short, that is why I wanted to write this blog. Maybe I'll have kids one day, and maybe they'll have kids. And maybe they can read up on bits of my life and it can be special to them.

And that is why I love this little blog which talks about silly conversations I've had, and the films I'm loving to watch at the moment (singin' in the rain is one of them. I LOVE the dances).

No comments:

Post a Comment